Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? Do you remember the witch from the Snow White fairytale? She was the most deceitful person in the land, yet when she looked into the mirror, she was deceived into believing she was the fairest person. About 11 years ago, I had what I now call a mirror experience. Unlike the witch from Snow White, I could no longer pretend that I did not see the truth. I hated who I had become. And I was unsure when and how I had become that person.
I’d been married to my friend for almost 10 years. We had growing careers. I was in school again and we were in the process of becoming partners of a flourishing business. Everything was picture perfect, except for the web of lies, deception and selfishness I was caught in. I had been having a long term affair which led to me lying to everyone I loved. I’d gone from being a person of integrity to being a person who thought only of myself. I did not consider that I was hurting my husband and my lover’s wife and children. I was convinced that what they did not know could not hurt them. Bottom line, I liked what I was doing, and I made excuses to keep my conscience quiet.
That is until I was challenged with two questions: 1) Am I the type of woman I’d want my daughter to be? 2) Am I the type of woman I would want my son to marry? The answer to both questions was NO. I was not proud of the woman I had become. Right then, I decided it was time for a change.
I confessed everything to my husband and I decided it was best for us to separate. I made that difficult decision based on two facts. One, I wanted him to find someone that would love him the way he loved me. And secondly, I felt unworthy of any good thing. It is crazy how the very thing that brought me such a thrill ended up bringing such guilt, shame and regret.
In the years since, I have made maintaining good character my top priority. I have taken responsibility for my behavior. I joined a church and I spend time helping people lead healthy lives. Although difficult but most importantly, I have forgiven myself for my past and present poor decisions. Yes, I said present. I don’t make the same mistakes I once made, but I still mess up in other areas. This girl has not arrived! Like I said in my first confession, it is a journey.
He has taken our sins from us as far as the east is from the west.
Psalm 103:12 NLT
4 thoughts on “Confession #2: I hated who I’d become”
I respect your courage & transparency, both of which is in short supply nowadays. May He empower you to do more & I pray your testimony helps others. Much love 💚 my Sister in Christ.
Till that day,
Thank you for the encouragement and prayers!
Juwanna, thanks for sharing. I think that your courageous stories will help someone else live their best life.
Thank you, Dana!