Confession #3: I’ve Called God a Liar

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In August 2011, my younger cousin and I took a familiar trip to New Orleans from Atlanta. During the round trip we sang, talked and laughed. Our relationship had always been easy, no arguments, no drama. A few weeks later, I learned that he was sick with a common cold. It was early fall, the time of year when many people suffered with cold and flu symptoms, so there was no need to be alarmed. But when a few more weeks went by and he had not gotten better, he went to the ER where he was immediately admitted into the hospital. After numerous tests, there still was not a clear diagnosis only that he had a weakening heart.

Over the next few months, he had many visits and stays in the hospital. During one stay when I was visiting, the doctor informed me that he was very ill and she did not expect him to survive much longer. She spoke carefully and compassionately still her words made no sense to me. “What does she mean my 23 year old cousin is dying of an Confession 3 Block Quoteunidentified illness?”, I thought. “How could this be?”, I wondered. I began to pray daily that my little cousin would be healed. I knew one of God’s names is Jehovah Rapha, meaning the Lord is my Healer. And I had heard of people being healed of much worse than this. But in spite of all my diligent prayers and faith, Larry Jr. died on March 9, 2012.

In my disappointment and anger, I recited Bible scriptures that promised healing and I asked God why my cousin’s healing had never come. Some people explained it as the devil’s work; others explained it as purpose fulfilled. For me, God had broken His promise. Simply put, He was a liar.

Then one day, I was challenged with the possibility that although my cousin had died, he had been healed. Did I have to see the healing for it to be real? And if the only things that are real are the things I can see, I can’t believe in air or energy or God!

I repented for believing the lie that God had not kept His promise. And although that revelation did not cause me to miss Larry Jr. any less, it gave me comfort to know that he is no longer suffering and for him to be relieved was what I wanted most.    

…She believed that God would keep his promise.

Hebrews 11:11 NLT

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5 thoughts on “Confession #3: I’ve Called God a Liar

  1. Thanks for sharing! My cousin had a similar experience when her grandmother died of cancer. She prayed for days… and nearly lost her faith! I remember feeling that had her grandmother survived several of her Christian family members would believe that they had control over God’s actions and boost in the belief that they had healed her. Like David did when praying for his son… we should pray for the sick… but when God says no… we have to wash off our ashes and move on knowing he has a greater plan.

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  2. I felt the same way when my mom died in 2010. I made the same claim that she was healed. Even if her pysical body was not wirh us. She is healed of all pain. Sickness etc. Love you my sister for sharing.

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  3. Juwana my baby ….you know my comments on this would be very long so I’ll try and make it short. That was the worst day of my entire life . I lost my only child my wonderful son and I too was very angry with GOD. I thought I had done what needed to be done but I let my emotions get in the way of raising my son . I let fear control what should have been done . BUT I questioned GOD “why my son LORD” and he said “why not your son . I lost my only beloved son and I lost him for you”. I say that to say this GOD HAS MADE ME STRONGER IN THIS GRIEF . This made me cry but THANK YOU FOR KEEPING LARRY JR in your heart always I LOVE YOU DEARLY MY NIECE . Keep up what you are doing …your are a true blessing in a lot of lives.

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