- Stop lying. DONE.
- Stop cursing. DONE.
- Stop having sex until you’re married. HUH? Ummm, God we need to talk!
When I began reading the Bible and attending church regularly, it drastically changed my life. I was challenged to live with good character and integrity. One of the first things I did away with was lying. Even little white lies were scratched. I found it far more challenging to refrain from cursing (or cussing depending on where you are from). I had a potty mouth but I managed to clean it up…for the most part.
But I was floored when I read in the Bible that I should not have sex until marriage. So much for life as a Christian, I thought. I understand that some women don’t like sex, I am not one of them. And not having sex until marriage just did not make sense to me. The first problem was that I had just gotten divorced, so another marriage was far, far off. Second and most important, was that I would have to marry someone without knowing that we were sexually compatible. A lifetime is too long to have bad sex. Excuse my bluntness.
Considering these things, I decided to continue to do it my way. What I didn’t count on was that my after-sex glow would turn to after-sex guilt. Sometimes I even cried afterwards. Talk about ruining the mood! I stopped reading the Bible so that I could enjoy sex again. But it did not help. In fact, it just gave me another reason to feel guilty. There was only one thing left to do, force the man to become a Christian and marry me. I preached scripture and nagged him to attend church. I soon learned I cannot force anyone to become anything that they do not want to be — including Christian. God always gives us a choice.
With that, I had to make a decision. Would I continue to do things my way or try God’s way? For some people this would be a no brainer but I really wasn’t sure that I wanted to do it God’s way. And although my desire to be obedient to the Bible should have been enough to cause me to choose God’s way, it wasn’t. My desire to be sexually stimulated was great. And I didn’t understand how purity (aka celibacy) would benefit me.
Whenever I have to make an important decision, I write a list of pros and cons. This was definitely an important decision, so I thought about my past sexual relationships and wrote my list of reasons to continue having sex and reasons to refrain from sex until marriage. One reason to refrain really stood out to me. Sex clouded my judgement. I would get so caught up in the orgasms and intimacy that I would ignore the warning signs that something was wrong with the relationship, with me, with him or sometimes all three. It was time to try something new; it was time to try God’s way. I vowed purity (aka celibacy) until marriage.
I’d be lying if I said I’ve never been tempted to retract my vow. A relationship with someone you’re attracted to can tempt anyone. But with each temptation, I think of how much peace and clarity I now have and I choose God’s way.
…don’t awaken love, don’t arouse love, until I am ready
Song of Solomon 8:4 ERV