Confession #14: I have been misunderstood

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Have​ ​you​ ​ever​ ​felt​ ​misunderstood?​ ​I​ ​mean,​ ​have​ ​you​ ​ever​ ​felt​ ​​really​​ ​misunderstood​ ​by​ ​people that​ ​you​ ​thought​ ​knew​ ​you​ ​well?​ ​I​ ​certainly​ ​have.​ ​And​ ​it​ ​left​ ​me​ ​wondering​ ​if​ ​it’s​ ​in​ ​my​ ​best interest​ ​to​ ​share​ ​my​ ​feelings​ ​at​ ​all. 
“I’m​ ​really​ ​hurting,”​ ​I​ ​confided.​ ​“I​ ​didn’t​ ​expect​ ​it​ ​to​ ​be​ ​this​ ​hard,”​ ​I​ ​admitted.​ ​“Even​ ​little​ ​things​ ​like sleeping​ ​alone​ ​is​ ​challenging,”​ ​I​ ​said.​ ​I​ ​was​ ​pouring​ ​out​ ​my​ ​heart​ ​to​ ​a​ ​friend.​ ​It​ ​was​ ​a​ ​few​ ​weeks after​ ​my​ ​10​ ​year​ ​marriage​ ​ended​ ​in​ ​divorce.​ ​As​ ​she​ ​looked​ ​at​ ​me,​ ​a​ ​wide​ ​smile​ ​spread​ ​across her​ ​face,​ ​followed​ ​by​ ​a​ ​chuckle​ ​and​ ​finally​ ​she​ ​replied,​ ​“You​ ​are​ ​too​ ​strong​ ​to​ ​be​ ​hurt.”​ ​And​ ​just like​ ​that​ ​she​ ​had​ ​dismissed​ ​my​ ​feelings. 
I​ ​knew​ ​she​ ​wasn’t​ ​trying​ ​to​ ​offend​ ​me.​ ​She​ ​genuinely​ ​thought​ ​I​ ​was​ ​incapable​ ​of​ ​being 
emotionally​ ​hurt.​ ​Nonetheless,​ ​her​ ​piercing​ ​words​ ​caused​ ​me​ ​to​ ​bury​ ​my​ ​feelings​ ​deep​ ​inside, reapply​ ​my​ ​makeup​ ​and​ ​pretend​ ​I’d​ ​never​ ​shared​ ​my​ ​heart.  
Blog Quotes (1)Eleven​ ​years​ ​later,​ ​I​ ​still​ ​remember​ ​how​ ​misunderstood​ ​I​ ​felt​ ​that​ ​day.​ ​And​ ​it​ ​is​ ​still​ ​not​ ​unusual for​ ​my​ ​moments​ ​of​ ​vulnerability​ ​to​ ​be​ ​met​ ​with​ ​an​ ​incredulous​ ​expression​ ​and​ ​the​ ​comment​ ​I have​ ​heard​ ​so​ ​many​ ​times​ ​before,​ ​“You​ ​always​ ​have​ ​it​ ​all​ ​together.”  
Granted,​ ​I​ ​am​ ​not​ ​an​ ​easy​ ​read.​ ​You​ ​probably​ ​wouldn’t​ ​know​ ​when​ ​I​ ​am​ ​struggling​ ​with 
something​ ​or​ ​feeling​ ​insecure​ ​unless​ ​I​ ​share​ ​it.​ ​And​ ​when​ ​I​ ​share​ ​it,​ ​I​ ​am​ ​not​ ​likely​ ​to​ ​cry​ ​or​ ​look disheveled.​ ​But​ ​that​ ​does​ ​not​ ​mean​ ​that​ ​I​ ​am​ ​any​ ​less​ ​disappointed,​ ​hurt​ ​or​ ​afraid. 
I​ ​make​ ​it​ ​a​ ​point​ ​to​ ​be​ ​open​ ​and​ ​honest​ ​about​ ​my​ ​life—​ ​hence​ ​this​ ​blog!​ ​Still,​ ​there​ ​is​ ​something about​ ​being​ ​a​ ​“strong​ ​woman”​ ​that​ ​makes​ ​it​ ​difficult​ ​for​ ​people​ ​to​ ​fathom​ ​that​ ​such​ ​a​ ​woman​ ​can have​ ​times​ ​of​ ​weakness. 
We​ ​each​ ​might​ ​deal​ ​with​ ​it​ ​differently,​ ​but​ ​no​ ​one​ ​is​ ​immune​ ​to​ ​the​ ​pains​ ​of​ ​life.​ ​Yet​ ​there​ ​is​ ​so much​ ​pressure​ ​on​ ​us​ ​to​ ​be​ ​strong​ ​in​ ​every​ ​area​ ​and​ ​in​ ​every​ ​situation.​ ​That​ ​is​ ​impossible!​ ​You have​ ​probably​ ​heard​ ​or​ ​maybe​ ​you’ve​ ​said​ ​it​ ​before,​ ​“Be​ ​strong​ ​for​ ​your​ ​family,”​ ​“Be​ ​strong​ ​for your​ ​children,”​ ​“Be​ ​strong​ ​for​ ​your​ ​spouse.”​ ​When​ ​is​ ​it​ ​okay​ ​to​ ​be​ ​weak?…​ ​To​ ​be​ ​human?​ ​And do​ ​my​ ​moments​ ​of​ ​weakness​ ​mean​ ​I’m​ ​not​ ​a​ ​strong​ ​woman?  
Honestly,​ ​I​ ​have​ ​struggles​ ​that​ ​I​ ​have​ ​yet​ ​to​ ​overcome​ ​and​ ​I​ ​have​ ​experienced​ ​hurts​ ​that​ ​have caused​ ​me​ ​to​ ​question​ ​everything​ ​I​ ​thought​ ​I​ ​knew.​ ​None​ ​of​ ​it​ ​has​ ​made​ ​my​ ​bitter,​ ​only​ ​better. But​ ​don’t​ ​misunderstand​ ​me.​ ​I​ ​am​ ​sometimes​ ​disappointed,​ ​sad,​ ​hurt,​ ​confused,​ ​insecure​ ​and afraid. Yet,​ ​I​ ​am​ ​a​ ​strong​ ​woman! 

…For when I am weak, then I am strong

2 Corinthians 12:10 (New King James Version)


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